this is pretty awkward for me to do but here goes...
ok i got exams tomorrow and right now im feeling a wee confident and stuff but, i keep having this thought that tells me that my hardest isn't hard enough...
is it cuz im forced to do thing that surpass my capabilities since im (accidentally) included in the CREAM section?? damn i feel so inferior compared to them and it makes me feel VERY and i mean VERY insecure...
do i need to change who i am ( the person inside which many of my friends adore) just to fit it? hell no!! i know i'll still remain the charming (yeah) happy person outside, the music loving, laptop weilding, net junkie, gaming guru that i am...
well i still remain the same person outside but...i've changed inside...looking back at past posts (not in this blog cuz i post shit here but on forums) i saw how childish my words are and...all the typos i made..(ick!)...i look at my past works in school and compared them to my work now...i change every year...i grow more and more, bit by bit...
i went on this retreat (it's like this badass spiritual thingy sorta like camp but ...y' know...spiritual) last month and it gave me a new perspective in life...i had a chance to listen to my friends' stories and i saw how lucky i really am...i mean this girl...yeah she was REALLY smart and she got all this attention at school and stuff...but she had a broken heart and said..."my family doesn't really appreciate me.."
and that was VERY shocking...VERY...c'mon...all that attention in school and no attention from your own family...harsh reality, im lucky...yeah i do ONLY get average grades and sometimes lower...but i know im lucky and that there are people in my life who like me for who i am...for what i do...i got loving parents, awesome brothers and bonded friends..i wouldn't ask anything more...i know i don't have to be in or pressured...being different...sticking out and most of all being yourself..that's what really matters most
ok i got exams tomorrow and right now im feeling a wee confident and stuff but, i keep having this thought that tells me that my hardest isn't hard enough...
is it cuz im forced to do thing that surpass my capabilities since im (accidentally) included in the CREAM section?? damn i feel so inferior compared to them and it makes me feel VERY and i mean VERY insecure...
do i need to change who i am ( the person inside which many of my friends adore) just to fit it? hell no!! i know i'll still remain the charming (yeah) happy person outside, the music loving, laptop weilding, net junkie, gaming guru that i am...
well i still remain the same person outside but...i've changed inside...looking back at past posts (not in this blog cuz i post shit here but on forums) i saw how childish my words are and...all the typos i made..(ick!)...i look at my past works in school and compared them to my work now...i change every year...i grow more and more, bit by bit...
i went on this retreat (it's like this badass spiritual thingy sorta like camp but ...y' know...spiritual) last month and it gave me a new perspective in life...i had a chance to listen to my friends' stories and i saw how lucky i really am...i mean this girl...yeah she was REALLY smart and she got all this attention at school and stuff...but she had a broken heart and said..."my family doesn't really appreciate me.."
and that was VERY shocking...VERY...c'mon...all that attention in school and no attention from your own family...harsh reality, im lucky...yeah i do ONLY get average grades and sometimes lower...but i know im lucky and that there are people in my life who like me for who i am...for what i do...i got loving parents, awesome brothers and bonded friends..i wouldn't ask anything more...i know i don't have to be in or pressured...being different...sticking out and most of all being yourself..that's what really matters most
