today has been a dark dark day...yesterday was great we went to von's house blessing in cavite i saw jenus, ukab and namay and of course von and we played basketball and fooled around, even my cousin kevin joined the fun...coming home we rode at the back of the pickup truck we helped two mormons and the trip from cavite coming home we laughed, sang songs and talked...i had my friends over afterwards, jenus and namay eventually went home while ukab spent the night...i had a blast yesterday...i talked to trish..had fun with my friends and..it was a great day
Sunday now is eventually part of history, today has been tearful for me...i'll fill you all in...

as i said, ukab spent the night...we were fooling around earlier after we woke up then we decided to get some food from downstairs...that time my parents were printing these pictures..but the noticed we were short of photo paper and i being the pc guy i am tried to compress them, my first attempt were failures and...eventually we found some more photo paper...we could've just printed it on word which kevin already made but mom wanted it to look differently..she said "where's the document!?" i said "it's on the task bar" she started yelling more...then she wanted to open powerpoint she kept yelling and yelling that she cant find it...i told her "mom it's there it's easy to find "she yelled somemore...that irritated me and somewhat hurt my feelings...there i was with my friend and i was only trying to help and there my mom was yelling at me for no good reason...i eventually took over and opened it for her i uttered the simple phrase because of annoyance and a simple fact "i told you it was simple" after that she turned towards me and started hitting me with the heels of her shoe...i was yelling "why mom!!?" "why do you always yell at me!?it hurts!!" dad got angry and hugged her to stop her from hitting me...she struggled a bit and they talked...i was in tears since then... they talked for a bit then dad called me up...i told my mom everything, i poured my heart out all my feelings...what i've wanted to say for a long time...EVERYTHING...dad agreed with me...mom had too much pride, she doesn't care how other's feel when she yells at people, she has a short fuse...and in public places she tends to embarass me and my brothers with her bragging and nagging...

i like it better when dad talks to me except mom...everytime i make a fault...dad talks to me in a sincere manner...he knows how i feel and understands me...i love my dad very much...after our talks im usually in tears but i do learn my lesson everytime...my mom on the other hand...im either left annoyed or more angered inside...

my dad doesn't deserve how my mom treats him...he's loving and caring...he's a good samaritan and he's an all around nice guy...it feels like everyday EVERYDAY mom nags him and yells at him...he talks back in a soft voice and...being the good guy that he is...he backs down eventually...
he asks a simple question...mom yells at him...he does this, mom yells at him...my brothers even know how i feel...they know the pain...dad's heart is always in the right place...he's a great father and...mom treats him like that...he deserves better...

i cant help it...im crying as i write this entry...mom's making it sound like it's my fault...my fault that she packed up and left us a couple hours ago...my fault that i wrecked this family...it hurts...it hurts me badly...is it wrong to help!? did i start it!? what did i do wrong!?

then she's always telling me to put my pride down...learn to cope with others and try to be as friendly as possible...learn to supress my anger...and many more noble actions while she herself doesn't practice them...in fact i've learned a few negative traits from her..after hearing and seeing them day after day..she yells alot...i yell...she has a short temper i have a short temper...at least i know how to supress it...i can only supress it for so long....i seldomly yell at people....and i know when i've hurt someone's feelings....
she also tells me that i need to see a psychiatrist and i have mental issues....now i think it's the other way around....my friends understand me, my brothers understand me, my cousins understand me, my girlfriend understands me, and even my dad understands me....why can't my mom understand me!?
i've pulled away from her along time ago....now she's made it worse...she doesn't realize how badly she's hurt me and the people around her especially my dad...im not the reian she used to know...im not that kid anymore..i've grown and matured...she doesn't understand that...she still treats me like a kid...
as i said i poured my heart out when i talked to her with my dad....i was crying...i was hurt....she still wouldn't listen...she was acting all childish and saying that it was my fault entirely...it was me and dad's fault...she didn't do anything wrong...she kept saying to accept her for who she is...how can we accept someone that hurts us!? more emotionally than physically....

she packed up and left...dad said she had to cool off...she says she's gone for good...is it so much to ask someone to change for the better!? i know the principle of accepting people for they really are but this was too much...harshly way too much...-reian out

Anime News - Blogging Tragedy - theOtaku.com

hmm...this actually is a tragedy...and im amazed how his web journal helped authorities catch the perp..hmm...when i first reads this article...i was shocked...this guy's actaully gone...an "average otaku" a blogger like myself and.....rest easy...fellow blogger.

ok to start things off this may be a little late for an e3(electronic entertainment expo) post since e3 wrapped up last week almost....but then again...it's my friggin blog so who cares!! hehe

hmm...this isn't my everyday normal post...no inspiration just me writing with a bunch of gamer jargons and adding a little confusion and technicallity to a simple game expectation...hehe
i'll start with some FYIs for some of you people...:D just cuz im a nice guy...
E3 is the "electronic entertainment expo" the largest gaming event of the year held in LA 3 days of gaming heaven...this is where all the sneak previews are all at...concept games...trailers, hands on...the works!! what makes E3 05' special is that...this year that the three new next-gen consoles are finally revieled...
the sony PS3
the Microsoft Xbox 360
the Nintendo Revolution

ok game-wise my e3 list is packed with gaming goodness....

PS2
Metal Gear Solid 3 : Substinence
those of you who are fans of the MGS series...know that MGS3 kicked ass...remember that MGS2:sonso of liberty had a substance version...which is the complete game plus loads of extras....this is similar....but this time we get to PWN other ppl online...snake style!!! w00t!!!



Kingdom Hearts II
yeah....i am a kingdom hearts fan...and i give kudos to square-enix for coming up with such a great concept...disney and final fantasy combine....whoa!!! so the sequel to KH looks tight....and i've seen beautiful screensshots where you play with auron n mulan..o.O...hehe



Namco X Capcom
i dunno what happened but it's like a cross between namco n capcom chars...so u'll see street fighter, tekken, megaman n soul calibur chars in one game...ooh not to mention xenosaga


NGC
The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess
EVERYONE loves Zelda...all the zelda games are fun and great to play....that's why the legend of zelda: the ocarina of time became game of the century.... i saw the trailer for this game last year and it blew me away now that i've seen alot more...im thinking of stealing an NGC just to play this game....oh and if you read this worthless blog...you'd see that on of the pics i posted with link that has the caption "starting anew" is a screencap of zelda:twilight princess


Misc.
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
ok this is a dvd that we've been waiting for AGES!!!! it's a sequel to FFVII.....two years after cloud and the gang saved the world....ok here's some screen caps....

im lacking something....i dont know what....im missing something have no idea why...im all confused...im happy but in reality im not...im not crying or anything...im not as sad as before...nothing like that...im confused...

hmm im thinking too much i guess too muc, my mind can't take it...all these thoughts...these voices in my head...im not in pain...mentally nor physically...no..i guess it's spiritually...
trying to keep myself busy but odds are...nothings happening...
i find myself staring at my front page....looking at the address bar not knowing where to go or what to do....
this my friends must be boredom.....
it's like whenever im busy....i find myself doing anything or everything i can think up.....know i have alot of time on my hands...i can't do anything...damn...
hmm...i dont find joy in playing SOCOM II online anymore...nor freestyling on THUG(tony hawk's underground) ...all the things i find joy in before...are long gone...i was simple...now im more complexed...yeah i've grown..alot i guess...hmm...i typed this entry out of boredom...i have a hunger for something which i cannot satisfy...i dunno...why i even bother...writing though...im confused...no one understands me...

my whole world crashed before me again, i got mad at one of the ya-ya's i yelled at her and of course...i got yelled at aswell....by my parents....

my mom thinks she understands me...she assumes i've got mental issues...no...she doesn't understand me...and i dont have mental issues...if i get mad...i get mad...i can supress the hatred for so long...i need to let it out...this thing with one of the ya-ya's has been bothering me for so long now...
i usually write what i feel when im mad or when im sad...this time, i didn't...you see...my mom doesn't know this...she doesn't know...what i do, what i write...she doesn't know me period...

i can't talk to her freely...i feel uneasy and uncomfortable, i grew up with her contradicting to my every opinion...i get scolded and lectured at...i get intimidated...it pulled me away from her a long time ago....

mom and dad leave us to work....it's admirable, i know it's hard for them to leave their kids go six thousand miles away and work for the sake of their future...
as the kids, we know why and there's nothing we can do to stop them...it's a necessity...plus i know im lucky...i live a great life...i have eveything i

What Ninja Class Are You?


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Anime-Kraze.org :: Version 3
ok i tested out another feature and...it looks like i'll be using more of the blog this feature on my google toolbar....
so here's one of my fave fansubs...anime-kraze...i've Dled a few of my early Chrno Crusade eps here and a bunch o' other stuff too...i gotta give props out to my buddy keitarou_the_immortal(his yahoo id) i met kei during my winmx days....he taught me so much torrent stuff...props man!...ok that's all for no...enjoy :)

shadows of heart overpower my soul,
standing over me, black as coal...
falling deeper my sorrow is filled,
living lies, my identity killed.

my world crumbles, i watch as it falls
never again shall i stand tall.
happiness is no longer an option for me,
my smiles have died, no laughter nor glee...

i wonder to myself, how come i am sad?
for me being gone,many are glad...
i feel i've wasted almost all my years...
i was happy and smiling and now im in tears.

one person can save me one person so pure,
she brightens me up...she may be my cure.
she made me smile again, her light i can feel...
for with her undying love, my sadness is sealed.

Standing still in time using this one moment to look at the past...one restless night gave enough time to ponder my thoughts...let out my sorrow...remember the joy and think about the sixteen years i've lived...

im a guy that has two worlds (as my 2nd grade teacher tells me) i have the philippines and the united states...i have family in both countries...i've gone to school here and there...and believe me...go school after school after school...it's tough...to lose friends...some might even be forever...
im not mad or anything...it's just that i want to share this...so my lifes pretty rough...my parents working there...knowing the "truth" about my dad, not seeing dad for at least half a year because he and mom work for our better future...
they say a good life has sacrifices...guess that was it...

me growing up...it's alright...i have friends i have family...i have support...

i pondered on the birthdays i've had...big deal i grow a year older...how can this year be different?...usually we have a party...i stopped that when i was 10...now it's either going out or family time...+ the usual blowout with friends...
how could this year be any different?...

i thought about my academics too...im pretty average...the kid that gets high marks...then loses interest...yeah...im kinda like most of you guys out there...

all the choices i've made...the good, the bad and the stupid ones...all the "what if's" "whys?" and "how comes" keep popping up...was eveything worth it?...those dumb times i've had with other people...where i humiliate myself...were those even necessary?...

as of now...this very moment...i feel sad...i dont have a reason to be it's weird...i was uber happy yesterday...and suddenly..boom...i started feeling blue...

it feels like something inside me is telling me that im this big burden...
im worthless to my parents...im a bad brother...im an outcast among my friends...im lazy...it's like every who gets near me...turns miserable...
the pain i feel in realizing this...unbearable...im heartbroken...and the sad part of it is...it true...i see proof...i know proof...

was i just an accident?...did my mom take pity on me when i was a baby?..is that why i am here?...
when was the last time i've made my parents proud of me?...long time...i've been scolded, humiliated and yelled at a million times more than being praised...

i feel so miserable..so dark...i want it to end...i have the power to end it...i can take my own life away at any time...it wouldn't harm anyone...everyone wins...i lose my pain...they lose me...
wishes like "i wish i was never born" often fill my thoughts...im not needed...im like this walking chunk of paper weight...i might add to more of this later...
i need to think more...