hmm....poured so hard this morning and being exhausted from last night...i decided to take a break from school....

i know i could've done more and probably just went to the "enigma" party but no....i didn't, i just stayed home and rested...hate this MIT quarterm...

...ahh 8 months...last time i posted on the 28th of a month was in april...*i think*well here goes...
hehe my thoughts are pretty clouded right now...and i can't express myself clearly but i'll try my hardest...

being in my first ever relationship with someone i really like...made me think..."what should i do"? or "am i doing this right?"...but as it progressed i soon figured out that there are no rules...and all you need to remember was... 1. love her and 2.be yourself....that's why she fell inlove with you in the
first place...was because u were being yourself....

whenever you're with her you feel ever so happy....soon you realize that you're happiest at that same moment....and feel so incomplete when you part...

then you start talking to her on the phone nonstop....at night, during the day...even early mornings...you feel comfort whenever you hear her voice....and then you soon feel that you can't go a day without talking to her...

....love is like that....

ups and downs are also a factor....
you win some...you lose some...having to understand everything....understanding that she can't always be free, she can't always be there for you...you cant always spend time with her no matter how much you miss her.....
it has limitations you must follow.....forcing you to wait.....sometimes longer than expected...

there are disappointments and they really can be heartbreaking....but those are "challenges" i guess that we must overcome....even if your prayers aren't answered...

mistakes you've made come and haunt you....and you really start regretting them by the moment...when this occurs you can't sleep .... feel as sorry as possible for the sin committed...

well...that's how i felt the past 8 happy months....
sorry for the crappy present tricia....for all the mistakes i've made and all the times i wasn't there for you...for the disappointments and everything...

thank you for the love....love you alot ^^ i miss you too...happy monthsary...

a cross i bear within i fight,
i've lost to darkness,said goodbye to light.
i drift endlessly and wait for despair...
for the patience of death i tempt to dare...

i look above the dark night sky,
for all i've been was one big lie...
i am nothing and nothing i shall be
only my dissappearance can comfort me...

i wish it to end my suffering begone...
i do not want to see another new dawn...
i'm hated by many...by family and friends...
no one to turn to my own wounds i mend...

no comfort of loved ones, so cold and alone...
in solitude i live, my dark skills i hone...
i fight my sorrow and suppress my pain...
my tears as they fall my effort in vain...

my heart is bleeding, my feelings i write
my tormented mind foresaw my plight...
this melancholy poem may be my last...
for before a new day i am part of the past...

it took me quite a while to think up a new topic to write about...my thoughts have been clouded lately...there are ups and downs...laughter and tears....oh, and a long commute home...

when you think about society it's always been divided yes? the rich, the poor, the middle, the inner filling...you're either one or the other...the so-called "status symbol" everyone looks at....you wear this brand you buy there, you eat here, drink coffee there...it's what everyone looks at...it's pretty pathetic to judge people for what they wear, where they eat or what they have...just remember the immortal saying, " dont judge a book by it's cover"...

society's pretty messed up nowadays...families are divided into localities, it's either you're in the urban city "barangay" or in a high security "subdivision"...that doesn't stop there... in the barangays you're either legit or in the "squatters area"....
kids are classified into "educated" or "not educated"....
schools are classified into "public" or "private"....
and believe me it goes on...

actually...i didn't intend to write about "society" as a whole in this post...i'll write about that later on...
i spend lots of time at my school lately during my break i realized something....

it has come to my thought that there are a bunch of classifications of students...not just in MIT but in any school...
i'll give out all i can for now...
here i go :

*the scholars - yeah they're the perfect start...smart kids that pay less tuition because of their scholastic achievement...rock on scholars!!

*the nerds - ok ok these type of people have no social life whatsoever...they know one topic and one topic alone....school...they're the type of guys that'll correct your every mistake...answer your every question...
-nerds have 2 classifications in my books :
a. smart-ass - they'll correct you alright...they'll make you look like an idiot too....
b. nice - self explanatory....

*the jocks - ahh they ever-so-loving sports heroes of the school...the varsity players...i dunno but it seems like if you're a player for your varsity team...it's kinda like an elite title...

side note: i dunno why stereotypically, jocks are the dumb sports buffs that think they're kings or the pretty boy heart throb that are always shown in teen movies....modern jocks (at least the ones i know) arent really like that...

*the snobs - self explanatory...mostly made up of girls...the group who *think* that they are the prettiest among the bunch...

*the plastics - hehe a relative of the "snob species" well this group composes of people that think they're hot but in reality they wont admit it...people that are full of lies that they've lost their true identity within them...(i could've just put this in the "snobs" section but i want to make this post longer hehe) just watch mean girls i guess...(i havent hehe)

*the student council - the government within one campus...you get the idea....

*the dancers - you guessed it...they dance...

*the journalists - cant have a school paper without em....

*the actors - do i even have to type!?

*the singers - ....guess what they do....

*lovers - yeah those who go to school not only for the fine education but for love aswell hehe

*the techies - ahh the techies....the computer guys, the people you run to when your pc acts funny...guys that have mp3 players and laptops *looks in the mirror*...nuff of these guys...hehe

*gamers - every school has gotta have a large population of gamers...guys that can talk for hours on end about final fantasy or tekken...you a name a game...they know em...

*otakus - haha there are also alot of anime junkies out there...anime...anime....anime...w00t!! people who live and breathe anime :D...

*book worms - people who escape reality by book...:D

*class clowns - guys that love making the class laugh...at any occassion....ANY!!!

*perverts - they are real....unfortunately...

*class dunce - slow learners.....SLOW!! hehe harsh...

*lazy bastards - they love doing work...NOT!

*stereotypes - ....you know what they are...

*bullies - the lowest of all animals....those pathetic wretched big boned morons....


no matter how much you think of it we are what we are ...see which class you are in...( no biggie you can be in whatever class you wish... an otaku/gamer/lover or an scholar/gamer)
hehe that's all i can think up right now....if you want me to add some stuff feel free to comment or uhmm tag...:D

it seems like i only get to post once a month nowadays hehe...i've been down in the dumps for a while now...my whole break feels...worthless...

it starts out with me failing both my math class...i did try and i know i tried all i could to pass but it wasn't enough.....i'm just dumb when it comes to math...i stink...
i've been down about that and i kept thinking about it all week but...i only feel more sorrow...it's like im being pulverized inside...

now, this term i get to take up trigonometry and college algebra again....damn....

it doesn't stop there though....
emotionally and personally it gets worse...

have you ever waited for something for so long only to find out that you'll only have to wait longer?....well to keep it simple you wait and build up excitement for something only to get disappointed in the end...you know that feeling right?...

that's how i feel at the moment....

i try everyweek and lately everyweek....it's always a "no"....yeah i do get upset and i try with all my might to keep a positive perspective on things....weeks pass by and still i get a no...it always ends with an "im sorry" and me saying,"it's ok" but why does my heart feel crushed?...
heck for a guy like me...i even cry at night...
i keep wondering why?....or what i have done wrong...or how life's unfair...or maybe it's karma...the thing is what did i do to deserve this?...

i guess ron was right....it's really hard for a guy to show his true feelings.....or is it because i've learned to keep everything to myself...

why do i wait only to end up waiting longer?...it's hard...and it's not exactly getting easier...it gets harder by the day...

as i've posted before....waiting is life's essence....all i can do is wait longer....

i guess i'll have to keep trying then...:)

sorry about the messed up entry fellas...it's just...i had to let it out...even if it were by means of jumbled words

a new month and my friends, it's time for a new post. College has been great, tough, but great....new friends new classes and new hardships...*sigh* im starting to miss highschool but this is way better...

well now time for a new post...one thing that irritates me always are friends that "call" you a friend but actually want something in return...something for school, money, a favor...it's so pathetic...it's better off saying "lets be friends cuz your so smart" or "you have money i'll stick with you"...hmm the funny thing is...some of my closest friends are like that heck they told me once..."you're our friend cuz you have money" they told me that was a joke but heck that hurt...but...there are times where it's too much but there are times where i owe them alot...

my barkada:
ok for most of the jamers that read this and know me somehow...we call ourselves "alphabeto" i have no idea why but we just did...
we consist of talented individuals and weird wacky guys....oh...we all eat alot too (ask my mom)
our team builds up of:

Arron Merjudio - to us he's "ukab" hehe this guy's my so-called "pakner" we do everything together. he's this lazy in academics but electrifying at basketball guy.we go mall hopping and movies yeah i also miss those RO days of ours he spends lots of time at my house and we play ps2 and or RO...he's now a tamaraw and studies at FEU (far eastern university)

Jenus Bautista - hmm "enus" for short he's the journalist in our group...he had this column in our senior year school paper...he's this basketball addict he got game but i wont say so otherwirse hehe...he spends alot of time here i remember once, he spent the night here but he had to work on his group paper till 12 midnight, he came to our house around 1 am everyone's sleeping....believe it or not he climbed up our terrace!!! hehe oh and before i forget of all the guys in our barkada he eats the most!!!w00t everytime at dinner whenever we eat he's the first to sit and last to stand up!! hehe i owe this guy alot...well i guess it's vice versa...thanks man!!! hehe he won that character portrayal contest in our senior...he's a great actor..he played poseidon...he also studies at FEU.
just dont abuse what you have, enus...:)

Von Laderas - he's a multi-talented mofo with a wacky attitude , he's the comedian in our group and my brother. we spent more than half of our highschool life together, yeah....ever since our 2nd year of highschool he's always at my house...we do everything together, the mall, a whole day of RO or PS, projects even if we are different sections. he's my parents' "adopted" son hehe, he's the point guard at basketball hehe as he always says. we go to school together in our sophomore and junior years. i remember watching either "the simpsons" or "cooking master boy" before going to school hehe at times we get to school late hehe. he also has tons of absences per quarter...he has his so-called "sked" hehe mousetr@p w00t!!!! he was the only one that had a case of arson in our group!! hehe it was wacky but funny!!..he has this impact on everyone because of his "kulitness"-_- (hehe yeah tricia, i made up my own word again!) he's in cavite now and he studies at EAC (emilio aguinaldo college) miss ya von! and take care of khate!! hehe

Lorenz Talal - ahh if you want a chinese man with you he's the guy! we call him enchong or simply chong, his shots on the court are sure balls!! he can make the basket even with his eyes closed!! seriously!! he likes superman...in fact he likes him alot!! he studies hard....and follows the rules...whenever we get in trouble...he doesnt....awkward...-_-...we both like the misads of maverick and ariel...he's maverick and im ariel....we had this contract in 3rd year that i get to kill him on sept 22 2004 ...but we had no school that day so...he gets to live....hehe he now studies at MCU (Manila Central University)

Marco Manio - otherwise known as "pando" hmm he has this badboy attitude and he's the chick magnet...damn even gay guys dig him! he's this romantic guy that cares ever so much for his "shayne" i remember whenever we go home together he asks me "mayaman na daan" or "mahirap na daan"? hehe because i spend an extra 10 php if i chose the "mayaman na daan"...he quiet but he pranks are retarded yet hilarious at times....he cuts up these bandages eveyday to cover his pimples....EVERYDAY! ...he loves the coke float....everytime we eat at mcdonald's he orders a float hehe...he a big guy and plays great basketball...kudos to him!! hehealong with enchong he also studies at MCU now...

Jonathan Namay - i remember back in our freshman year people always thought we were brothers. Namay was always this happy fellow...just dont get on his bad side...hehe...he rocks in basketball and he's pretty corny with his jokes...he's a proud FEU tamaraw now hehe...

Alfredo Raymundo - he's pretty cute...others know him as this clown jester...hehe and he's a pretty good actor too...he always talked about being a pilot someday and yeah...he might even become one...kudos aped kudos! studies at airlink

Carlo Guitones - ahh now here's a guy that has a this magic bodypart that everyone loves...he and his magic kuntil...he's a kickass dancer and...has a pretty hard time with the ladies but heck...he's adorable in his own weird way...also studies at FEU

well this is the only things i can say for the moment...hehe till next post

http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/chrono_leonheart/Could_It_Be.mp3

i was walking around luneta with my family the other night and something bothered me....

i look around and at every direction i see homeless people....some with kids alot were senior citizens...reality and it's cruelty have shown...poverty is rampant everywhere...i pity them but i dont help...i feel powerless...but i have power....it's strange in a way that morality is taught in schools but unless we are obligated to perform these acts of charity we do nothing..
think about it..think of your school and how every student acts, we do these things because we are graded you wouldn't see every jamer give away their clothes to some kid....nor a mapuan give his daily allowance to a beggar...we somehow contradict to the very teachings of morality itself....it's not just the students but also the teachers. see the school , in order to fund their charitable events they smooch off of their students...it's publicity...there are only a few good people that still live for virtue...the others they're obsessed with material things...

i admit i am not one of those people....im not righteous, im no saint...i have material possessions and i live of off technology...it's awful to admit that the only thing i can give to the less-fortunate is my sympathy....therefore i consider myself.....lucky....

poverty...you can only blame poverty on greed...the way i see it..people from provinces go to the city for one thing and one thing only.....MONEY...they go to cities to find better work and live fabulously like the icons they see on tv...only to figure out that no one would take them in...in other words...they were DEAD WRONG...with no one to turn to they stay on the streets they get a low pay job and struggle in living off of that...back in the provinces they eat 3 meals a day NOW they barely have 1 full meal....it's pathetic...filipinos aren't content making them prone to failure....

poverty leads to injustice and injustice leads to chaos...oki i've played too much dynasty warriors...

:: how nintendo are you? ::

it's amazing on how simple things can make you smile...the green grass, the blue sky, an e-card, a blog comment, someone you don't like being chased by a flying cockroach (errr)....life's simplicity is its purity...

the feeling of contentment is something God has always reminded us....be thankful for what you have...right? we dont need to ask for more techie stuff (why am i feeling guilty now? hehe) nor be all green-eyed with someone...you need to think "what do i have that he doesn't?" always think about that...whenever you feel jealous with someone think of something he or she can never take away from you...a loved one...your identity....your gift...

anyways back to simplicity....

simple things can make people happy and at times can make them cry right?..it's like me getting my my cardinal plus ID hehe i was almost jumping for joy...i was like "dude lets go out and come back in again, i wanna try out my id!" hehe as shallow it may seem that made me happy....or whenever i open my mailbox and find out that someone had left me an e-card at that moment i feel loved and of course happy hehe...and the occassional hug can do me just fine...:)
why do simple things make me happy?
because im a simple guy...

i know to eat plain food every now and then...heck i love lugaw i know when to share and do ridiculous weird things with friends...heck i know when to squeeze in when the lrt is packed...im simply myself...i dont copy anyone nor pretend to be something im not

it's like when i read this entry from malin's blog...(malin's a friend i met on animetribe) it was about her bus rides from and to her school...and all of her so-called "awkward moments" she mentioned in one part hte pride she felt when she got to her school without any assistance...
i know the feeling....i jumped for joy when i reached mapua IT center in makati on my own...no matter how shallow it may seem....it was a big deal for me and malin....

simplicity has its own beauty...simple gifts, simple smiles, we live this life not knowing how rich we really are

hmm i've posted a new song for my blog here's the lyrics

it's a college post hehe ok...here goes....

hmm....Im a freshie college student....i go to mapua institute of technology (makati campus) so technically im officially a mapuan w00t hehe a mapuan hehe im a jamer/mapuan w00t hehe....

my first week in mapua ...well it's full of ups and downs...i have fun and the occassional frustration and the endless laughs hehe...

hmmm it's all good IMO all the ppl at AT4 apparantly we dont all know each other yet but we're getting there...i've become close to lotso ppl now...hehe we hang out here and there and chill at the tables outside our beloved room...it's crazy i use my cell alot in class hehe i go out without permission and laugh out loud during lessons....NOTHING LIKE HIGHSCHOOL....hehe hmmm ok i'll end this short post now...im not that creative at this moment

im starting to hate my life....i put out lots of effort...i do everything i can...i come early...i finished everything...i came expecting to have a very good time.........but life screws me over...

this always happens....why is it whenever a friend invites me over i come, invites me to go out i come...and eveytime it's my turn to invite them...oftentimes they bail...they say they have other plans...i've always ignored how my friends disappoint me when they do that...

the pathetic thing is....it always happens to me...

today was no excemption...i finished my homework so i wouldn't worry about anything else...i came early...i came there expecting to spend time with her......i was dead wrong....

they were inviting me to her friend's bday...i was like why?... i wanna spend time with her and her alone....what am i going to do in a gathering?...i'd feel out of place...i wouldn't have a good time...i finished my homework the whole morning for me to get permission for her to come...i was stood up....again.....

even though it meant A WHOLE LOT to me if she came with me....i said no....it's her friend's bday the friend that she cares about so much...i couldn't take her away....either one of us was going to get hurt....it was better that it were me...

i love her so much.....i miss her alot too.....the sad thing is...no matter how hard i try...it seems like i cant spend time with her.....this always happens to me......why!?

another ruined day in the life of reian....no one cares about me anyway.....

all the sadness i've felt yesterday...drifted away...im getting my nerves psyched up for my first day of college!!! w00t w00t!! hehe all my friends have all ready started and all the guys that go to my college have started aswell...i on the other hand have no classes on mondays so i have an extra day of summer....

anyway, if there's something we've learned growing up our parents and teachers have always reminded us be ourselves...i've written about acceptance a week ago...now it's about accepting one's self...

we live in this world that thrives perfection...we have beautiful people on the big screens, t.v's and magazines...let's face it...they're beautiful and some of us look up to them...but people like us?..the ordinary students, the bloggers, the simple people...we aren't them, we are much better people...we are ourselves...when we get angry, we show our anger, when we are happy and we show that we're happy, when we are sad we show that we are sad....we are imperfect, we are truly the creations of god....

then again there are people that don't like showing who they really are...people that hide behind masks, demand that they are perfect and in the process irritate other people...AGAIN my acceptance theory has made it's mark...what's the point in living that way anyway!?...it happens alot in high-school i tell you that much...but it only lasts till high-school's over...
ok since im feeling a bit happy go-lucky let's make a character to make fun of...hmm...let's call her "joan-a"...

joan-a : hi im joan-a

so joan-a is that typical snobbish bi0tch that shows signs of jealousy and is a frikin bad liar...aren't ya joan-a?

joan-a: "yes i am...im a naughty slutty hoe that hates my life so i tend to make other's lives miserable...i tend to lie alot too...that's because i a love telling stories about how great my life is...all the pretend guys that i make up love me in everything i do..."

that's the spirit joan-a! show us your true colors and how you really feel inside...see ain't being yourself fun!?...

joan-a:"it sure is!"

you make friends and friends accept you for who you are right? why change for the worse? something good happens to your friend.....why do you get jealous? aren't you happy for him or her? aren't you supposed to be a good friend?....this goes on and on and believe me it only gets worse...

hmm so joan-a ..tell me, are you the type that gets jealous?....

joan-a:"i sure am!! *giggles* i am flirty and a retard and guys hate me so i assume a guy likes me and i pretend that he loves me"

ahh so you are desperate for love like my friend carlo guitones?i pity you so much right now....you are so pathetic...i'm glad you are so made-up *insert smirk here*

hmm ok that's pathetic really....those who force love...an infatuation to a whole new level that isn't love at all...hmm are they THAT desperate that they need to make up stuff?...like carlo and his other half milka?...hmm i guess another layer is added to the mix of joan-a's plastic facial...
why rush love and be unhappy?...hmm...im no love expert but at least i dont force people to love...


next lets talk about friendships again..

friends, as they say are forever...true...but what kind of friend are you? dont say that you are a true friend...since it's easier said than done...dont say you're a good friend cause there's no exact definition for that...how can you tell if you're either of the two?...ask your friend yourself...if you've been true to your word..and admitted your mistakes i guarantee you that he/she will tell you what you really want to hear but if you're like this bitch joan-a here...better get some tissues and cry all you want for all i care...

it's not a matter of giving or taking...it's a matter of both...he cant be good to her alone or vice-versa they need to be good to each other...friendships are a terrible thing to waste....

i hope you've learned your lesson now joan-a...

joan-a: "i hope so too"

be true to yourself...that's all this world needs..we dont need anymore J.los nor britneys no shaqs nor t-macs...we need you...i hope this message gets out...

it's not about you all the time nor how you feel...think about your friends how you treat them and how they treat you...treat them nice...they'll treat you nice...everything should work vice versa...no more masks and lies...we shouldn't always TAKE nor should we always GIVE...we should give and take...this is reian uhmm just posting regularly on his blog...OUTTIES!

that feeling of disappointment is always...sad...no one likes getting disappointed....no one...
one thing i've learned all my life is that i shouldn't expect too much of myself, my friends and my family...otherwise i'd get hurt...

i dunno...i guess it was my fault..did i ask for too much?...i was looking forward to this day...and now i realize i shouldn't have...i've been down...it's like every spec of happyness i felt when i woke up this morning fluttered away...and uhmm to tell u the truth i even cried...my last sunday free...i was planning to have a great time...i was completely wrong...

i expected too much...i ended up hurting myself...

-peace out..

Carrie Underwood..

inside your heaven

inside your heaven duet w/ bo bice

inside your heaven live *warning it's cut*


new found glory

my heart will go on

My current Desktop AGAIN!! hehe as of 07/06/05
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perfect- To you, your girlfriend is the most
important person in your life, you would do
anything for her, and that's why, you're the
perfect boyfriend. Some girls would kill to
have a boyfriend like you, one that always
knows how to make a girl feel special. You
rock! ^0^


What kind of boyfriend are you? (for guys! with pics!^0^)
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Crispin Boyer's 1UP Blog: WWII games and movies: Not even close...

it's pretty amazing ...this WWII story...read it...

my reaction:
i feel that we don't appreciate vets that much.....filipino, american...a soldier is a soldier no matter what..they are the guys who risked there lives for our safety....kudos to all vets!! you all fought well!!....

it's not just vets..think of the soldiers with the fear of death everyday they wake up...those who fight for us to live in a safe world....on both sides....
i quote squall leonhart of final fantasy VIII, "Right and wrong are not what separates us from our enemies. It's our different standpoints, our perspectives that separate us. Both sides blame one another. There's no good or bad side. Just two sides holding different views."

there's no right or wrong anywhere on the battlefield....we all think we're right they think they're right...battles are meaningless

been thinking lately....
i think about my past year and all the happy times i've celebrated and bad times i've endured...all the memories...some make me laugh,some make me cry, some gave me a reason to smile, some i try to forget...
ironically i was listening to punk rock songs via my player...one thing caught my attention...it was a random playlist and when "perfect" by simple plan played...i began pondering...

the song it's basically all about acceptance...a dilemma of every kid...especially teenagers...making your parents proud of you and...them accepting the fine person you are now...i know the feeling...it's tough...because sometimes parents dont think of their child as a young adult...they think of him as a...child. daddy and mommy just can let go of their little girl....they cant help the fact that their son has grown...im not entirely sure about this...im a kid myself im no parent.

when you think about it...life is almost all about acceptance (great reian first wait now acceptance!?) really....think about it...ok for seniors, they live in fear of not getting accepted to their college of choice right!? for actors they fear not getting accepted for the part, for athletes they dream to be accepted by the pros, for guys courting they long for the girl's acceptance (that one was for my friend carlo)

in the end during the afterlife we pray for our acceptance in the kingdom of heaven....

we want to be accepted no matter what the cost...it's like everyone wants to be accepted by fame, love, wealth, you name it one person wants it....

more importantly...you would want your friends to accept you for who you are..not to be ashamed or be afraid of you when he sees someone....but to tell the world that your friends...no secrets no shame no fear...

it's like this one movie "guess who" (yeah i've used it twice in my blog) this guy wanted to be accepted by his girlfriend's family...and lied in hilarious ways.....see even movies show this kind of thinking...

think about what i've just written...then irony'll take over...you'll see my point...

that wraps it up....